A Dramatic Short Monologue

Saul: You gentlemen have had a busy week, huh? Bail has been denied. No mystery there.

Okay, let’s start at the beginning. Somehow you two are short on priors, so I think I can get the DA to knock the drug charges down to simple possession. We can lay responsibility for the felonies at the doorstep of your unfortunate dependence on hard drugs, but we’re gonna have to argue for rehab.

Don’t get all in a twist, okay? I’ve heard that there exist certain less-than-reputable establishments that will provide certification without the pleasure of your actual attendance. I could conceivably find such a place for an additional fee. You go, you don’t go, that’s between you and your God, but you gotta tell the judge you’ll go, and you gotta sound like you mean it.

All that’s left is your many, many misdemeanors which include graffiti, vandalism, littering, and public urination. Even misdemeanors add up, so if I can get you concurrent sentences, you’re looking at 12 months. Now with good behavior and overcrowding, takes it down to six, maybe five months. That’s minimum security. It’s gonna be like taking a cruise, only with less danger of drowning.

So, all that’s left is my fee. Okay, so for my time, court costs, filing fees… you’re looking at, let’s say about four grand. All in. That is 50% off. Now, my normal rate would be 4K each.

Without me, they’re gonna lock you up and throw away the key. I’m sorry, did I say five years? You go ahead and play Russian roulette with a public pretender. You’re gonna end up doing a decade in Los Lunas. Do you twerps even know who I am? I am Saul Goodman. Okay, do you think 4K is too much? Yesterday, I got paid 8K just for the afternoon. That’s how good I am. I am the real deal. You’re lucky I’m even talking to you.

#task 9